Andrew Birkeland, Sports Editor
He is a man of extreme complexity. He walked across the Atlantic Ocean, barefoot. Was given birth to on an airplane and he didn’t cry. At age 4, he killed 50 mosquitoes with his bare hands. The only failure he has ever occurred was being one of the few Minnesotans who can’t stake. He denied being on Jeopardy, for he knew he would win. He hit a half-court basketball shot, blindfolded, on his first try. He walked across America, faster than a speeding mini-van. He has won every contest he every entered, even if he didn’t enter. He was denied into Harvard because he was too smart. Chuck Norris fears him in his sleep. He writes not because he is good, but because he can. He grammar is poor, but his spelling is good. He is proud to be a Red Knight. He is Andrew Birkeland.
