Dr. Love on being a ten

Abe Fortier has been bestowed with the title of “Dr. Love” by former love expert Will Jarvis. “Dr.” is no exaggeration, as he has a Ph.D. in intimacy, dating, and picking up women, despite the fact he has never had a girlfriend. Email Dr. Love at [email protected] to have your love life questions answered!


Colin Sheeley

Abe “Dr. Love” Fortier strikes a pose for his latest photoshoot

Abe Fortier, Staff Writer

Dear Doc,

When based on the standard attractiveness scale of 10, I consider myself a strong 6.45. What can I do to impress a 10 preferably by making myself an 8?


Mr. Average

Dear Mr. Average,

I know how you’re feeling, and you will get through this. As a principle, you also don’t want to peak too early.  A lot of times guys might be 10s as freshmen, but by the time they’re seniors, they’ve dropped down to a 6 or worse, a 5. It’s better to be a 6.45 as, say, a sophomore, and then an 8 or higher as a senior. That, my friend, is called exponential increase: one of the only useful applications of math I’ve ever found. You’re still finding yourself and probably  haven’t grown into to all your features, but here are some tips to help you along the way.

The first thing you need to do is capture this girl’s attention. If this girl has no idea you exist, you need to find a way to get yourself on her radar. Start off real casual. Maybe offer her a piece of gum or a mint in class. This will show her that you are friendly and that you care to make sure everybody’s breath smells as nice as yours does. Now, every time she sees you in the hall she’ll think, “Oh hey, that’s the kid that gives me gum in class, he’s pretty neat.” But we’re not stopping at neat.

The next step is to make her laugh. Just don’t go overboard. The worst thing you can do is be that obnoxiously over-social guy who’s yell can be heard from the other side of the school. I’m talking about being the smart, witty guy who thinks up clever jokes that make the class laugh when the teacher is trying to present. Always think about what you’re going to say before you say it, because you don’t want to say something embarrassing. Even go so far as to plan out a list of jokes the night before just to make sure you nail ‘em down.

Another idea to impress this girl is to invest in some new clothes. Nothing draw’s a girl’s eye more than a well-dressed man. Think Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl. More importantly, however, is you noticing her outfits. Compliment her on her socks or jacket every once in a while.  Try to be casual about it though, you don’t want to appear too eager or creepy.

Lastly, and most importantly, you should never change who you are for any girl, except for these things I mentioned here. Hopefully this girl will eventually get like you for who you are once she gets to know you. Once you become comfortable enough with her, you need to close on your small window of opportunity and ask her out to do something–and that’s when you can really show her what a great guy you are without worrying about your number.

Your friend,

Dr. Love