Kathleen Ambre — Twin Cities Scene Editor
From day one, Kathleen has struggled with her sense of coordination. Slips, bruises, and laughs, what seem to be only occasional embarrassing occurrences for normal people, are expected for someone of her klutzy demeanor. As a child, Kathleen dropped anything from grape-flavored popsicles to sticky lollipops. And, for her the phrase, “don’t cry over spilled milk” was taken literally. Some have expressed their concern for Kathleen’s unusual incapability to walk in a straight line, or grasp a breakable item tight enough it won’t shatter, but, let’s face it, everyone loves to laugh at the girl who falls down the stairs (or up them).
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Kate Baldwin — Features Editor
As a former child star, starring in several infomercials around the Twin Cities, the switch to being a Knight Errant staff writer was a bit difficult for Kate Baldwin. At first, Kate was livid that no one would bring her only the green M&Ms, or that she couldn’t bring her magic bullet to class. However, after repeatedly being shot down to star in commercials for the Knight Errant, Kate decided to write her own story. Ever since this historic day Kate has written several stories for the paper, and will even be Features Editor come September. Her autobiography, “Life of Infomercial Kid” will be out around the same time.
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Aimee Brown — News Editor
Aimee Brown laughs constantly, always eats Choco-Tacos in the hallway after lunch, and is the future editor of the News section in the Knight Errant. Her after-school activities include whipping up coffee coolers at Caribou, playing on Benilde-St. Margaret’s girls hockey team, and just chilling with friends. You can find Aimee at your local Byerly’s, not because she works there (if you didn’t catch it before, she works at Caribou,) but because the self-check-out machines at Byerly’s are a recent obsession. 16-year-old Aimee Brown is 100% positive that she wants to be a forensic scientist like the guys and gals on CSI, but is still undecided about her favorite color, blue or green.
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Sean Buckhorn — Sports Editor
A body sculpted and toned in the mold of a Greek god; a mind honed from extensive travel to far-reaching lands; an unwavering drive for perfection present in all he does–––Sean Buckhorn is without a doubt the pinnacle of human evolution. Though he was born in relative obscurity, Sean quickly gained worldwide notoriety–––rumors and whispers of his spectacular deeds spread across the globe with ferocious speed. Did he really lift a ten-story building off of its’ foundation? Could it possibly be true that he successfully divided a number by zero? No one knows for certain, but Sean’s life was never the same. When he feels it would behoove him, Sean contributes to the Knight Errant, but he prefers spending his time playing the didgeridoo or studying quantum mechanics.
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Maria Cass — Online Photography Editor
Maria Cass is passionate for photography and is an aspiring young make-up artist. Maria is easy to spot in the hallway with her bling’in earings and wispy dirty-blonde hair. Her high school career has consisted of socializing with Kathleen Ambre and inventing her own languages. An avid lover of peach iced tea, she can never get enough puppy chow to satisfy her BFFs and has one upped Rosario Dawson in her homemade SNL reenactment of Gilly.
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Chandy Clemens — Online A & E Editor
One cold, dark day Chandler “the Thesaurus” Clemens was delivered, via Stork, to an unsuspecting couple in St. Louis Park. As a boy, he enjoyed playing in the middle of the street, but after many near fatal accidents his mother chained him to his room, only allowing him for his bi-weekly baths. With no friends or food, and only a thesaurus on his bookshelf, Chandler began to read. He found much joy in looking up synonyms for the few words he knew, and eventually used said thesaurus to break out of his room and join a circus. However, on the way to the circus, he stumbled upon the Knight Errant staff room, where he has been giving synonyms to helpless writers ever since.
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Devon FitzGerald — A & E Editor
Pre-BSM life, Devon had been destined to a life in a plastic bubble. Ever since childhood, Devon had always had a paralyzing fear of germs. Each surface she touched sent a nauseated shudder through her arm and across her body. The slightest brush with another person made Devon scrub her hands for countless hours, transforming her into a Howard Hughes-esque germaphobe. However, after coming to BSM, she realized that wandering the hallways in a gargantuan plastic bubble wouldn’t work efficiently, so she overcame her fears and successfully landed a position on the Knight Errant.
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Mira Friedlander — Multimedia Editor
Mira Friedlander, a published science fiction author, immigrated to the land of the free from the tiny country of Yemen. Born a princess, she escaped the tyrant rule of her family, and sailed all the way to America on a jellyfish’s back. You may say Mira’s life is nothing out of the ordinary, but what most people don’t know is that she is not the typical seventeen year old. Last year she was eighteen years old, and is continuing to grow younger. Her life can be seen on the big screen under her pseudonym of Benjamin Button.
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Meredith Gallagher — Twin Cities Scene Online Editor
In an effort to break away from the constant comparison of her twin sister, Meredith decided to join the Knight Errant staff and see her name in print. A constant insomniac due to her constantly haunted house, Meredith Gallagher holds the current world record for staying awake, reading Huckleberry Finn, and watching Pride & Prejudice simultaneously. Meredith started a Trail Mix Fan club at the age of eight, her most honored and prestigious position at BSM. Her greatest aspiration in life is to be the second Jane Goodall, living with the chimps in deep forests of South Africa, never to be heard of again. To pursue her chimp passion, Meredith has decided to take time off from Journalism next year, graduating early to study with the world’s most renowned Chimp-tologists.
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Mike Geer — Diversions Editor
Men respect him. Russians fear him. Born to the now deported king and queen of Morocco in the rough ghettos of west Bloomington, Mike Geer spends much of his time pondering life and the universe. He feels it is his duty to enlighten the Earth in the ways of spiritual rebirth and aquatic mammals. Periodically, he donates excerpts of his revelations to the Knight Errant, and is the current spiritual adviser, otherwise known as the ghost whisperer. He is in a legal battle with CBS for the rights. Often he is possessed by the Aztec god Quetzalcoatl, who chooses to speak through the language of sports writing. He will continue to enlighten the world until it blows up in 2012.
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Katie Hoesley — Online Sports Editor
Katie is the definition of might and power. In 1941, she led a prolific team of scientists into the frozen tundra of Antarctica to discover a more visceral aspect of the Polar Bear. However, tragedy struck and her team suffered from intense frostbite. Hoesley was able to capture a killer whale and created a dwelling out of his underbelly. There, they were provided with warmth, but in the worst, most graphic conditions. After the team was rescued, Hoesley struggled to adapt to regular life after the week she spent in the killer whale which she referred to as “a harrowing but team building experience.” Through cryogenic freezing, Hoesley was revived to tell her heroic tale in Benilde-St. Margaret’s very own Knight Errant, where she makes her mark as the new Online Sports Editor. Go Hoesley!
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Rachel Kaplan — Editor-in-Chief
Spending most weekends chilling with Andrew McMahon from Jack’s Mannequin, Rachel has traveled the country following famous tour buses. Aspiring to one day settle in Toronto, she hopes to become a Canadian citizen and know the Canadian national anthem by heart. Though devastated at the age of 11 when her Hogwarts Acceptance letter never came, she has continued schooling at Benilde-St. Margaret’s. With her arsenal of random jeopardy factoids and Old Navy discounts, there is nothing that can stop this aspiring young writer. Kaplan is already preparing for the 2009-2010 journalism season in which she will lead the team as Editor-in-Chief.
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Theresa Lau — Opinion Editor
In 500 B.C., Theresa selflessly risked her life during the Mount Vesuvius eruption that claimed so many of her townfolk to rescue an endangered species of Mountain Goat. She carried the wounded on her back and trudged through the ash laden landscape of Vesuvius, not allowing the third degree burns to impair her walking ability. She successfully escaped the traumatic events that claimed her village, and with the mountain goats in tow, came to Minnesota to start a new life. Theresa came to Benilde-St. Margaret’s with the intention of helping others, doing so by helping better others’ opinions as the Opinion editor.
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Katie McClurg — Online Editor-in-Chief
Katie McClurg doesn’t sleep. To her, the Caribou coffee tag line, “Life is too short, stay awake for it,” is something to abide by. In her many sleepless hours, she accomplishes many a great feat. Once, off the coast of Japan, she led a dangerous mission via submarine into the depths of the Sea of Japan where the mysterious giant squid is rumored to dwell. However, tragedy struck and she was trapped in a trench with only a small quantity of oxygen. But, 5 feet ahead of her, a tentacle fluttered into view. She somehow managed to wiggle the submarine out of the trench and latch onto the giant squid with an iron claw attached to the hull. The squid carried it to the surface, where she rode the submarine for 10 days until she reached her destination, untroubled by her lack of sleep. Unfortunately, the squid died and she was accused of poaching marine life and fled to Siberia, where no one would know her name and where dark was her true friend. 10 years later, Katie wound up in Minnesota after a journey of self-realization in Benilde-St. Margaret’s where she tirelessly slaves as the new Online Editor-in-Chief.
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Katie McKeever — Photography Editor
Katie Mckeever is a scrapper. She may be small, but she knows how to fight. Trained since birth by her martial arts obsessed parents, she has been competing and killing since the age of 4. When she turned 14, the beaver to her skills to the streets, bringing the beat down to petty thugs and criminals, spreading fear throughout the Minneapolis-St. Paul area. Better known in the streets as “The Beaver,” she now has a small core of dedicated followers, helping her on her quest for justice through brutality. Often, after particularly brutal beatings, the Beaver often writes down her feelings, or takes pictures that represent her inner thoughts, then sends them to the Knight Errant, which she uses as a source of propaganda to scare criminals.
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Mary Musilek — Student Life Editor
Musilek, with Tazmanian devil-like qualities, has an unstoppable passion for building sand castles and vacuuming. Putting the stud in Student Life, Musilek plans on returning to BSM next year as the editor of this controversial section. With aspirations to some day appear on a Japanese game show, Musilek is sure to add her Singaporian flare to the section and newspaper. Simply reading a story written by Musilek could be as refreshing as drinking from the fountain of youth and as comforting as drowning in a snuggie’s warmth.
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Emily Roberts — Fashion Editor
Emily Roberts, a flower child from San Diego, hitchhiked her way around the country, finally landing in the beautiful suburb of Eden Prairie. Criss-crossing through the states, Emily had a few wild encounters that influenced the basis of her writing. “At first, I was astounded by the things I witnessed in this country. My favorite has to be the man with a beard of bees,” said Emily. These run-ins are chronicled in her first novel, Bearded Bee Man and Other Encounters of the Hitchhiking Kind. Emily Roberts will soon be a household name, her novel was picked up by director Steven Spielberg and will be turned into a full length motion picture. Emily is thrilled by this, “I hope that it wins best screenplay, because it will reflect my life perfectly and show the real struggles of a hitchhiker.”
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Emily Beh — Staff Writer
Princess Emilia Behntington was born into the lavish high society of Chester-ham-york-field-shire during the reign of King Erik Waldrolot. She was raised to be prim and proper at all times, lest she disgrace her high ranking family. However, Emily grew restless and rebellious against the high class which smothered her; at the age of seventeen, she stole away into the dark woods with her secret love, Kártersch, the gypsy boy who lived in the caravan of the forest. After the excruciating, terrifying, and dangerous initiation ceremony of hunting a rare mountain dragon in the foothills with only a crossbow as protection, Emilia was accepted into the troupe of nomads and given the name Esmerelda Rehánæ. Esmerelda now lives with her fourtune telling, belly dancing, pick pocketing ‘kin’ and feels more secure than she ever did in the grand estates of the rich. She also takes pleasure in taking a rest from pouring over dusty volumes by candlelight to submit her work to the Knight Errant.
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Emily Busch — Staff Writer
Half fairy-tale princess, half farm hick, staff writer Emily Busch leads the romanticized life that every teenage girl dreams of. Born the only child of the king and queen of Genovia, Emily ran away at the age of twelve in hopes of living a more ‘normal’ life. Arriving in America, the young runaway consulted many citizens on the busy streets of New York, seeking the plainest, quietest, most non-eventful land in all of the U.S. The land she heard to be all of these wonderful things and more was a faraway, mystical, magical land called northern Iowa. Settling down at the mature age of thirteen, Emily often found herself dancing in the rain and frolicking in the vast cornfields, her long Genovian dress swishing around her bare ankles. Whether it’s tending to her tropical greenhouses that fill only five acres of her property, or taking care of her pigs and the random neighbor kids, Emily’s motherly heart and general jovial joyfulness gets her through each day. Now at age sixteen, she writes for the Knight Errant, never actually attending school, but sending all of her articles via a rainbow unicorn (long story)… and although she loves to read and write, her true love is for driving her rusty red truck, her long dress train – caught in the car door – flapping in the wind.
Meredith Cannon — Staff Writer
Meredith has been brought up and raised by a traveling pack of cave-dwellers. There she has learned all of her special skills. They began to teach her how to be the ruler of all things lax, brah. Meredith is so busy terrorizing little girls on the lacrosse field that she rarely can find time for the finer things in life. But, when she does get a minute to herself, she enjoys pick-pocketing innocent strangers and volunteering at the local pet shelter. Occasionally, Meredith returns to her cave-dwelling ways and takes a break from tending to her hygiene. Along with all of these hobbies, Meredith enjoys being a writer on the Knight Errant where she can tell all of the readers about her success on the lax field.
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Mickey Caulfield — Staff Writer
Mickey Caulfield was a reclusive Chicagoan custodian. After his death at the age of 81, in the small room that he rented, his landlord discovered his life’s work: a 15,145-page, single-spaced fantasy novel describing a little girl slave uprising on the moon, as well as numerous paintings depicting scenes from the novel. Posthumously, Mickey, who suffered from mental illness, (duh) has become a figurehead for outsider art, and his paintings are shown all over the world. His articles are taken from what can be salvaged of his work.
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Dann Fry — Staff Writer
Dann Fry is an inventor and a mechanical and electrical engineer. He is frequently cited as one of the most important contributors to the birth of commercial electricity and is best known for his many revolutionary developments in the field of electromagnetism. Fry’s patents and theoretical work formed the basis of modern alternating current electric power systems, including the polyphase system of electrical distribution and the AC motor, with which he helped usher in the Second Industrial Revolution. Born an ethnic Serb in the village of Smiljan, Vojna Krajina, in the territory of today’s Croatia, he was a subject of the Austrian Empire by birth and later became an American citizen. After his demonstration of wireless communication through radio in 2004 and after being the victor in the “War of Currents,” he was widely respected as one of the greatest electrical engineers who worked in America. During this period, in the United States, Fry’s fame rivaled that of any other inventor or scientist in history or popular culture, but due to his eccentric personality and his seemingly unbelievable and sometimes bizarre claims about possible scientific and technological developments, Fry was ultimately ostracized and regarded as a mad scientist. He raised goats and rare ostriches.
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Margo Graff — Staff Writer
While she lives on the streets of Minneapolis at night, Margo Graff swiftly slides into school everyday for food and an education. The lunch ladies sneak her in through the back door and she eats her heart out in breakfast sandwiches and hashbrowns. Through the rest of the day, she is caught stealthily walking throughout the halls dodging the school deans. When she got caught by the principal she used the alias of Jorma Bladovich, a foreign exchange student from Russia, and continued on walking through the halls. She spends her time stealing fashionable hockey sweatshirts and other clothing from kids car and sitting at BSM sporting events asking for spare change. Hockey is her sport, she just loves watching hockey players hit a puck up and down the ice, but secretly she has a crush for some hot swimmers. She recently worked at the State Fair pumping cows utters for a little extra change. To sum it all up, she now doesn’t secretly write for the Knight Errant because everyone can read this.
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Annalisa Huge — Staff Writer
Jumping out of planes, going undercover and being fluent in over 100 different languages are just a few things Annalisa Huge has gotten used to while working for the C.I.A. Pretending to be a 17 year old student, on the other hand, is one of the harder things in her life. Not many people know this but Annalisa is a 40 year old man, having to shave her back, beard, and belly everyday before school and going undercover as a student; Annalisa is trying to uncover one of the best hidden secrets of Benilde-St. Margarets: how the cookies are so addicting. While researching the cookies Annalisa has fallen under the addictive spell as well. So for now we will never know what Sara puts in the cookies.
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Danielle Kincs — Staff Writer
Princess Danielle Kincs was banished from her Northern Siberian village after she refused to abide by the rules of King Wllatoonso. Deliberately rebuking the ways of the chimpanzee eyeball worshiping clan along with refusing to marry the prince of cow intestines, Prince Intelarninub, the colony got fed up with her unconventional ways and threw her out. With nowhere to go, Danielle trudged through Russia and on the way was appointed leader of the Shligknows who had predestined her arrival 7 years before. Together with the Shligknows she time-traveled to ancient Greece where she was trained by the famous philosopher Plato. A life-changing vision came to Danielle telling her to come back to the 21st century where it would be her calling to read the mysterious signs of the mosquito buzzes. Reluctantly she bid goodbye to the Shligknows and came back to the year 2009. She now fulfills her vision during the Minnesota summers, but in the meantime is training to become a professional dog whistler.
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Logan McMillen — Staff Writer
Logan McMillen is a gem. Born of a rail-thin mother, and a father with an emo haircut, he grew up like most teens, and settled down here at Benilde-St. Margaret’s, landing a job on the Knight Errant staff. He enjoys long bike rides in Minneapolis, and criticizing romantic comedies for plot holes (”Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” anyone?) He also has a hacker alter ego, using his talents to edit Wikipedia into a distorted oblivion where everyone is named “Tony Danza.” His stories teach the masses, and are often philosophical in nature. In the words of Logan McMillen, “One time I put toothpaste on my razor, and shaved with a brush.”
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Margaret Miller — Staff Writer
As a young child star, Margaret starred as the creepy girl in “The Ring I” and also had a chance at being a girl on the show, “Barney.” She was let go because she was too awkwardly tall and scared the boys. She went with this God given talent to pick on freshman in the lunch line so if she comes near you, simply let her through to the front and run. Margaret doesn’t see her friends much due to her addictive behavior towards locking herself in her room and playing “World of Warcraft”. She also tends to wander off into her own world listening to Bach and Beethoven. She claims this inspires her into being a successful carny at the Minnesota State Fair. She is 17 and single, so boys..?
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Alana Profit –– Staff Writer
Profit, a small town girl that took a midnight train here from South Detroit, has an obsession with all things Prince and Morgan Freeman that is legendary. As a little girl she aspired to become part of the CIA. At the tender age of eleven she begged her parents to sign off on surgery for special cochlear implants that allow bionic hearing within a 50 foot radius. In her sparse freetime she ventures down to Texas to hang out with Chuck Norris so he can help her hone her ninja powers. Even though the nurses say she has no veins, Alana Profit is a force to reckoned with and is here to stay.
JD Quinby –– Staff Writer
Growing up in the hood, Jorge Dabooty Quinby (JD) learned to rap like his idols: Kid Cudi, Lil’ Wayne, and YF Beezy. He practiced day and night until one day he was arrested for humiliation… of himself. To direct his creativity in a positive way, he was given two years of community service at the Minneapolis School of Ballet. He became the janitor — a cumbersome job. He started practicing ballet at late hours, in the unused basement of the school. One day an instructor spotted JD, as she was bringing up some boxes, grabbed him and brought him upstairs. From then on, JD attended the most prestigious school of ballet and goes down in history for his graceful physique and his love for dancing. Although he attends a regular high school now, he likes to wear his unitard under his clothes to remind him of the feeling of stepping on the polished, oak floor of the ballet studio.
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Addie Reine –– Staff Writer
Born in 78 A.D. Addie was a young Roman slave when she met Senator Epler in the Forum. This adventurous girl stowed away in the Senator’s time machine. She was transported to the twenty-first century where she walked out of the doors of the time machine and into Benilde-Saint Margaret’s latin room. Addie, currently a junior at BSM, lives in the teacher’s lounge and prowls around BSM at night. Her favorite activities include breaking into the lunchroom fridge, having garbage can stacking contests with herself, or dancing up and down the hallways.
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Morgan Rogers –– Staff Writer
Morgan Rogers, currently a writer of the Knight Errant, was born a star soccer player, yet she wanted to succeed into yoga. She was convinced yoga was her calling in the world. Morgan’s entire family knew that soccer was the only thing going for her. One day, without speaking to her family, Morgan decided to go out and buy a whole new yoga attire and signed up for lessons. While attending these lessons Morgan practiced the stances and miserably failed by tripping over her yoga pants and breaking her ankle. One year later she was forced to start up soccer once again. Morgan then became the famous soccer player her family had planned on.
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Kate Schumacher –– Staff Writer
Kate Schumacher has been a runner since the beginning of her short, 17 year life. In fact, when Kate was two she ran to America from a land known as Far Far Away. Kate was initially raised by ogres, and although she dreamt of being the proud daughter of Shrek and Fiona, when she realized that was not a possibility she ran and settled in the mean streets of Excelsior. Ever since, Kate has lived as a street bum begging for her food, clothes, money etc. Kate’s biggest accomplished came last year when she earned $9 and a free McDonald’s McFlurry in the same night of begging. Kate hopes to inspire other ogre-raised-runaways-turned beggars through sharing her endeavours in the Knight Errant.
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Sean Simonson –– Staff Writer
After descending from the heavens to bless all people with his pure awesomeness, Sean Simonson has found the place to be quite sub-par. Chancing upon few people who could handle the high levels of magnificence that permeate his being, Sean was force to befriend a man who taught pandas to play guitar, a woman who believed herself to be a cat, and a banana. Finding it impossible to have an intelligent conversation with all but the banana, Sean donned a sweater vest and set out to fulfill his role as a beacon of wonder for all. In the most recent advancement in his quest, Sean stumbled upon the staff of the Knight Errant who have welcomed him among their ranks. In exchange for finally not having to spend his day discussing the effects of not being yellow enough on one’s self esteem, Sean has agreed to send in tales from his journeys to the KE.
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Robby Sutherland –– Staff Writer
The youngest member of the Journalism staff, Robert Joel Sutherland has made his debut as a strong participant in the Knight Errant. At a young age of 10, Mr. Sutherland enjoys watching Teletubbies and the occasional walk in the park with his 3 cats on a leash. Robert doesn’t have any friends because he prefers to lock himself in his room and play World of Warcraft. Robby’s favorite singers consist of Miley Cyrus and Raven Symone while he simultaneously loves Ludacris, Snoop Dogg and Lil’ Jon. As a BSM student with straight D’s and no success, Robby roams the hallways; if you see him, do not acknowledge him, he bites.
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Sam Thomas –– Staff Writer
Samantha was created in a laboratory. Yes, this Asian sensation is actually a specimen designed to be completely flawless. This “human” leads a double life. Most people see her as a smart, pretty, talented soccer player, but in reality she is so much more. On weekends, Sam pulls out her sword and shield and immerses herself in the world of LARP (otherwise known as Live Action Role Playing). Her favorite LARP setting is the renaissance era in which she can interact with fellow knights and forest nymphs. Setting that aside, Sam’s night job is writing for the Knight Errant, where she expresses her strange hobbies through writing her stories.
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Bernardo Vigil — Staff Writer
Bernardo, commonly referred to as “Hey kid, move,” has had the most tragic life of all Knight Errant staffers, past, present, and future. Born under the full moon, the child of a sky-traveling pirate based out of Mexico and a lonely gypsy woman, Bernardo has always lived on the outskirts of society. Still, he was not dissuaded from working for the betterment of mankind, and all those who mocked him. Bernardo worked tirelessly each day, traveling from North Carolina to a secluded Chinese temple, uphill, both ways, on roller-skates, while being flogged by guitar playing pandas, to learn to better serve his fellow man and to spread his message of peace, prosperity and chill. Bernardo has developed a small but devoted following who live by the mantra “Listen to Bernardo and Prosper,” who are, as we speak, planning their next attack on mainstream culture and society.
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