Kale Walch, Online Reviews Editor
Kale Walch was kidnapped as a child and brought to us from Guam. Kale enjoys watching Jennifer Aniston in the film: “Along Came Polly”. Especially that one scene..you know the one. Kale travels often, enjoys a bit of orange marmalade on his toast in the morning, and only drinks skim, because he thinks he’s fat. Kale has a dog named Patrick. Patrick is a yorkie. He killed a man. Kale likes his coffee hot and black. Kale’s father is Hutch. Kale once served crumpets to the queen of Morocco. Kale would like you to hear a joke: Why does the ocean roar? (pause) Well, wouldn’t you roar if you had crabs on the bottom of you! (Another pause for pity laughter). Kale lives vicariously through himself, and can speak French and Russian. Kale reviews obscure 80’s punk albums in his room most nights. Kale enjoys saying to the mainstream folk: “No, you haven’t heard of them”. Kale has very few friends, because he is running out of money to pay them. Kale owns a turkish bath, and often rents it out during the springtime.
