Knock knock…

Kale Walch, Staff Writer

There comes a time in every man’s life where he is humbled, where his peers turn away from him in anger and disappointment. It may be a delicate subject, but someone had to say it; yes, I write now about the “failed joke.”

The failed joke is among the most character-building experiences that a pretentious, punny young man can experience. And if that is true, I may have more character than anyone.

Nevertheless, the failed joke is bound to happen to everyone sometime, and perhaps I can help the casual reader to avoid, (or at least recover from), said failed joke. I know this from extensive personal failure.

First off, don’t plan out your joke too far in advance. Often times the joke’s recipient won’t find it as funny as you did. Plus, you won’t feel as bad when the joke fails, as you didn’t spend careful hours planning it.

Second, don’t make jokes using “indie” references. They only lead to pain, angst and confusion on both sides of the joke. And really, who cares about the lead singer of the Animal Collective and his hysterically clever lyrics anyway…?

The getaway is key, a truly essential component to avoiding the failed joke fallout from your peers. Although experts have suggested several differing methods of escaping, I recommend the arm-tuck-head-down approach. This increases your aerodynamicosity, and might even draw a pity laugh from the angry mob you’re fleeing from.

After your successful getaway, the healing process can begin. I suggest getting back into the normal biorhythm by telling a few good, safe jokes, such as:

“So this three-legged dog walks into an old western saloon, walks up to the bar, and says ‘Who shot my paw’?”

Ha, ha, oh man. Doesn’t that feel better? Of course it does.