Michelle Sauer, Features Editor
Few details have been discovered about Michelle after she cracked at the age of eleven. Not much is known about her psychotic collapse, but rumors suggest she failed to receive an acceptance letter from Hogwarts and moved into the wild. From the rare and momentary glances people have stolen of her since that time, they have found that she adores slurping down orange mocha frappuccinos and making pterodactyl noises whenever something doesn’t go the way she would have liked (you can imagine the screeching after Hogwarts denied her). Not only has she been she spotted quoting Honey Boo Boo and keeping life beautimous, but she also has a habit of randomly breaking into a Russian accent. Recently she has been sighted travelling with a pod of humpback whales and is slowly transforming into a mermaid. It is believed she is making this metamorphoses in order to one day be able to impress the love of her life, Michael Phelps.
