These are sad times, folks. Very sad times, where the image of individuality is tarnished and female students can’t wear comfortable clothing. But I’m not here to make yet another complaint about the school’s ban on yoga pants, no. I’m here today to address the school’s ban on sweatpants.

There’s been some confirmation in the front office that sweatpants will be banned for this coming school year. Yes, you read that correctly. Apparently my friend heard it from his buddy’s girlfriend, who was in the front office talking to someone who overheard that sweatpants won’t be allowed at school anymore. I mean, if this isn’t a credible source, then what is?

With the startling news, so many questions popped into my mind: Are sweatpants “distracting for male students?” Are they against the school code of conduct? But most importantly, what on earth is the Girls Hockey team going to do? No more groutfits? Oh, the agony!

But thanks to Twitter, this startling rumor was proven to be false by none other than Dr. Skinner. While scrolling through her twitter profile – yes, I did that, and if you say you didn’t, you’re a dirty liar – I came upon her tweet on August 1st stating that “BSM dress code in the senior high hasn’t changed….yoga pants still not ok (unless the top/shirt extends to the knee).” – @DrSkinner_BSM. As excited as I was after the first part, utter disappointment and reality struck me with the latter 67 characters of the tweet – but like I said, that’s not what I’m here to discuss.

This would not be the end of summer rumors, though. I heard Latin was getting dropped as a class from a friend of a friend, who apparently heard it somewhere, and I was stunned. No more Latin would mean no more Mr. Epler, which would mean no more Classics Club, which would mean a demise to the proud Latin nerds of Benilde-St. Margaret’s. (Disclaimer: I take Latin, so I’m allowed to refer to us all as nerds, and if you deny this fact, then you are once again a dirty liar.)

Enlivened by rage and curiosity, back to Twitter I went, and thankfully, Dr. Skinner had posted yet another tweet dispelling the rumor. “I heard there’s a rumor going around that BSM is dropping Latin…NOT TRUE.” – @DrSkinner_BSM (August 6, 2013).

Now I was angry. Not because sweatpants weren’t actually being banned or the school was dropping Latin, but because I felt like such a fool, believing these unbelievable rumors. An old Chinese proverb states, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” I like it better this way: “Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you.” Whoever it was out there making up these actually somewhat believable rumors, shame on you.

From now on, I won’t believe any more rumors this cesspool has to offer. And if I do hear a startling story that shakes me to my core, I know exactly where I’ll be going: Dr. Skinner’s Twitter account.