Nick Marinaro, Staff Writer
Nick Marinaro is a young man who can only be described by the term small. Both mentally and physically, he is diminutive. However, it was not always this way; when he was very young he was an imposing figure with the intellect of Albert Einstein, Plato, and Aristotle combined. Woefully, this good fortune would be met with a curse brought upon him by his discovery of two wretched sources of evil: lifting weights and reading books. When he first started to lift weights, vainly seeking to improve his physical appearance, he noticed a significant drop in his intelligence. To counter this upsetting phenomenon, he took up reading books. Though this stabilized his brain from further damage, his IQ was already down to 70, and the reading did unspeakable damage to his physical composition: he shrunk to half his size. Now, he can be seen struggling in silence to recoup his losses, each day indulging in the very activities that once destroyed him.
