Challah-lujah! It Christmakkuh

Senior Noah Bridges reflects on why celebrating Hanukkah can be just as much fun and fulfilling as Christmas.

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Ginny Lyons

Noah Bridges eloquently clutches a menorah, which appears to be made of bathroom tile.

Noah Bridges, Staff Writer

Alright, let’s get one thing straight, I know that Christmas is an amazing holiday, but I’m going to tell you why Hanukkah deserves some love too. By the way, it’s pronounced “H(phlegm)anukkah.”

Number one: the holiday itself lasts for eight nights as represented by the menorah which is a ceremonial candle holder. This means that if you’re a pyromaniac, this may just be the holiday for you. It also means that there are eight days of presents.

Disclaimer: the gifts are not all big-ticket items. You don’t receive eight days of flat screens or dwarf ponies or whatever big thing you ask for on Christmas morning.

Christmas cookies are undeniably delicious, but who doesn’t love little potato frisbees?”

— Noah Bridges

Number two: Christmas cookies are undeniably delicious, but who doesn’t love little potato frisbees? They’re called latkes and they are delicious. Most times, latkes are accompanied by apple sauce or an obnoxious aunt who doesn’t stop asking how your college applications are going. Again, results may vary. In case of attack, latkes also make effective self-defense weapons when flung properly.

Number three: Hanukkah is celebrated because, back in the second century B.C., Jews were stuck in the Second Temple and only had enough oil for one night of candles and it miraculously lasted eight. After the eighth night, they found more untainted oil. What that means today is that over 20 million donuts are eaten in Israel alone during Hanukkah as a celebration of oil! This is a great news for those wanting an easy way to celebrate, but bad news for those of us who were already worried about having cankles at holiday ball.

Number four: Hanukkah has child gambling! As far as I know this is federally illegal, but if you get in trouble, I’m sure Prime Minister Netanyahu will bail you out. Yes, gambling is encouraged in the form of the game “Dreidel.” Essentially, it’s a spinning top with Hebrew letters that have an assigned meaning pertaining to the pot that you’re betting over. If your spin lands on Gimel, you win the whole pot of chocolate or three legged-corgis or whatever you were wagering with.

Number five: Menorahs can be made out of any material you want. The menorah in the original Holy Temple was made of solid gold, and a replica is lit every year in Jerusalem that was valued at over three million dollars. I wouldn’t recommend buying a wooden one though, as the holiday loses some of its class when your kitchen burns brighter than your future.

In truth, Hanukkah is a lovely holiday filled with many traditions. It is not, however, the most important holiday in the Hebrew calendar. It gets a lot of credit since it’s around Christmas, but it’s not truly that special according to the New Testament. Speaking of Christmas, let’s get to what I ask of you.

While you’re enjoying your holiday break, remember to be thankful for your family and friends. Also, don’t forget to thank your lucky stars that Hanukkah songs never caught on. Target would be a scary place if they mixed some of those throaty tunes in with the Christmas ones.