Almost 3000 years ago, way back in 1900 B.C., the Aztecs made what I consider to be the foulest culinary blunder of all time—the conception of dark chocolate. Dark chocolate’s initial use for the Aztecs wasn’t actually for satisfactory consumption; it was strictly used for medicinal purposes. To be quite frank, they really should’ve kept dark chocolate for medicinal purposes and medicinal purposes only! Its bitter taste, tough yet brittle texture, and unpleasant dark brown color point directly to an unsuccessful and completely disagreeable joke of a dessert.

It pains me to say this, but I have unwillingly digested this horrible excuse of a remedy for a sweet tooth on multiple occasions. Oftentimes, I stumble across dark chocolate when it hides in a beautifully designed box of chocolates. It really is a shame these boxes don’t have warning labels to alert unsuspecting consumers because biting into something I believe to be a delicious piece of milk chocolate, only to receive the harsh distant cousin dark chocolate, may be the worst betrayal I’ve ever encountered. In addition to dark chocolate’s unwanted appearances into my diet, I’ve also noticed that I have never once had an urge to eat dark chocolate and I don’t know if anyone in the entire world has either. For instance, I certainly have not entered a grocery store or candy shop with the sole intent to purchase and devour a bar of dark chocolate.

Aside from dark chocolate’s awful combination of taste, texture, and color, dark chocolate also has the ability to disguise itself as something desirable and pleasing to your appetite and to your stomach. Dark chocolate somehow finds a way to slither its way into prestigious commercials promoting the goodness within the chocolate. The media worships dark chocolate saying it has positive health benefits. Well, news flash, I’d rather roll around and swim inside a pool of milk chocolate every day for fifteen years than take one singular bite of this dreadful contrast to delectable sweets.

With all of these negatives in mind I have decided to start a petition to wipe dark chocolate off the face of the earth for the rest of time. No one considers dark chocolate their favorite sweet-treat, it serves no beneficial purpose to society, and it actually kicks dirt upon the sweets industry’s reputation and name as a whole—I rest my case.