10 Things All Dads Say

Blake Castaneda, Staff Writer

1. Ready, set, go! I’ll time you.

Most dads are notoriously lazy. That is why they incline their children to do unwanted tasks by making it a competition. Everyone knows that a 10-year-old boy cannot refuse a challenge from someone as important as their dad.


2. Kid: I’m hungry.

Dad: Nice to meet you hungry. I’m dad.

Kid: I’m serious.

Dad: I thought you were hungry?

Dads are always itching to get a laugh out of one of their kids. Most of the time, that means saying something unbelievably corny. I mean, he obviously did not name his child “hungry” or “serious.”


3. *Opens present. Dad: It’s a box!

Once again, I reiterate, dads love getting a laugh out of their kids. So, they will try to at any opportunity they can. That is why every Christmas, birthday, or even Easter when you open a gift, you can count on dad to make a joke about the presents.


4. Ask your mother.

Fathers are known not to like dealing with minor ordeals using excuses like the one above. When dad is lounged out on the couch watching golf, and you have a question that requires more than minimal effort to answer, that answer often is “ask your mother.”


5. If [insert friend’s name here] told you to jump off a bridge, would you do that too?

Fathers are full of cliches when it comes to their kids’ safety. Skepticism and paranoia are common responses when lil’ Jimmy talks about his new buddy, lil’ Johnny at school. I think everyone has that friend that dad is very skeptical of.


6. Because I said so.

When kids get sassy with their parents and demand reasons for an unfavorable answer to a request, the classic response is, “because I said so.” Sure, parents probably have reasons for their sometimes unreasonable rules, but the easiest and most common response I would say is, “because I said so.”


7. You can choose your curfew when you pay your own rent.

Dads hold the throne when it comes to irrational responses. Of course, kids don’t want to pay their own rent nor can they, and dads know this, so they use this type of response to help with their arguments. Something as simple as curfew can be directly related to paying rent in a dad’s book any day of the week.


8. Back in my day…

Dads are definitely ones to reminisce on the “glory days” that they once lived a millennium or so ago. You can always count on your dad to bring back old memories that you were not there for at least 5-6 times a day.


9. You’re not going out in that.

Bears are well-known to be very protective of their cubs, but fathers put them to shame in this category. Fathers do not tolerate anything that exposes more than an ankle, generally. If dads could have it their way, their daughter would never leave the house in anything less than the winter gear from Hoth.


10. Kid: Dad did you get a haircut?

Dad: No, I got all of them cut.

Sarcasm… good old sarcasm. Dads use sarcasm, or rather abuse sarcasm every second they can get. The example above is just one sample of the misuse of sarcasm towards something as regular as a haircut.