Scot a big deal?


Shannon O'Connor

Braveheart enthusiast and fatherland revolutionary, Jimmy Youngblut, sports his homeland’s colors patriotically while he leads a valiant charge of independence atop a Scottish glen.

Jimmy Youngblut, Staff Writer

After the vote to free Scotland from the twisted grasp of Great Britain, it appears that they have remained in communion with the British for purely economic reasons, which is understandable; the economies of Scotland and Britain are aligned, and together they create a blend of exceedingly wonderful accents, hardy sheep, tartan kilts, and the world’s best whiskey.

However, the whopping 1.35487% Scot in me is a little, if not completely rattled by the vote. Perhaps it’s because, “They can take our land, but they can never take our freedom,” has been a motto and manifesto of mine ever since my English teacher, Ms. Olson quoted the Gospel known as Braveheart to our class last year. But as to why Scotland isn’t free, I can’t even begin to fathom a reason.

“I think it’s probably a mix between an economic decision as well as a social decision,” junior and fellow Scot of 2% Walter Duff said. The theory of a free folk in Scotland, however, still intrigued him, and Walter agreed, saying “Aye, that’d be bonny dope to be free.” Walter’s car is adorned with the largest Scottish flag in Minnesota and a pair of bagpipes for momentous occasions.

When I discussed the fatherland with other Scots, they seemed even more enraged and flustered with gripping despair. “It’s an outrage, a scandal! Oor lands ur meant tae be free as thay wance wur! Afore th’ tyranny o’ th’ british,” junior Nathan Carpenter said. He then proceeded to roll up his sleeve illustrating a marvelous tattoo of the fatherland adorned in blue and white.

“The braw land needs tae be separated fae th’ eternal fires o’ hell that is th’ brits. Wi’ thair, cuppa ‘n’ crumpets, ‘n’ thair stuck up noses, ‘n’ thair shiny bits. They’ve ne’er dirtied thair hauns fur th’ greater guid o’ th’ land ‘n’ th’ wid be free folk,” junior and Scot of an astounding 75% Carter Paine said. Every year, Carter Paine participates in the ferocious Highland Games, specifically the tree throwing events; he has been known to adorn his kilt on the third Thursday of every other month.

I think without the haggis the United Kingdom would be a different country.

— Mrs. Maura Brew

Even our beloved Mrs. Brew, who is technically Irish, but is basically the same thing, is outraged by the UK tightening it’s grip. “I think, I’m torn; I appreciate the fact that the character that in which Scotland wields is very much its own region, but it would’ve meant an enormous shift in so many areas in, not just in the political side,” Mrs. Brew said. She went on to say, “I think without the haggis the United Kingdom would be a different country.” For those of you who are not as intune with the customs of Scotland, Haggis is essentially awful wrapped in a sheep’s stomach which is extremely delicious.

Clearly our Scots are enraged by the decision of Scotland to remain one with the United Kingdom; However, it appears that the words of the immortal William Wallace shall be quieted for a time, until another generation looks to secure the freedom in which our people are yearning for. And as always, Aye or die.