Prepping for the pre-pre-SAT

Logan McMillen

The preparation juniors are going through this year for the infamous Greek god of tests known as the SAT is single-handedly killing the rain-forest. I have never seen so much paper in my entire life, but that’s not my main complaint about this mindless preparation. What is really upsetting is the misguiding name PSAT, which would leave you imagining that there is only one preparation step. I finally decided upon a title that would lead us in the right direction: the PPPSAT.

If you are a junior like me, then a little bird sent a piece of mail to your parents that killed one whole Saturday. It was the ZAPS PSAT preparation seminar, and our school urged us to attend, (which in parent speak means You WILL be there.) I was perturbed, but not livid at that point. No I became enraged when our school decided they had the audacity to hand out booklets that outlined what we would go over in the seminar. So at this point I was preparing for the seminar, which was preparing me for the PSAT, which was preparing me for the SAT. That’s a lot of fine print.

I arrived at school around nine o’clock that Saturday, sincerely hoping that it would be quick and painless. For a millisecond I was dreaming, I thought to myself, “This won’t be so bad.” Things were looking up, Sean Connery stood less than ten feet away from me. Yes, anyone who attended the ZAPS PSAT seminar was sure to catch a glance of one of the instructors, who bore a striking resemblance to 007 himself. His accent was spot on as well. One would imagine his spy-like mannerisms would’ve kept the day interesting, however, it turns out that a fake British accent can’t make everything entertaining.

For the next five and a half hours, I watched my bench-mate play calculator games, while my ears were being filled with trivial information regarding the test. Things like “If you see the word ‘But,’ then the answer is a negative word.” Or even, “If you’re running out of time, the shorter answers are usually right.” Thank you, Martha Stewart, is there anymore insider information I should know about?

Watching the calculator game was entertainment enough; I never knew that “Phoenix” could be so amusing. For those who haven’t played it (congratulations, you have lives) the game focuses on a battleship that is constantly being bombarded by alien crafts, and after so many waves there is a boss to defeat. The boss is relatively easy compared to the endless preparation needed to get there. I couldn’t help but realize that the game was somewhat metaphorical of the moment I was sharing with my classmates. I want to fight the boss already.