Sadie Hawkins and its religiously affiliated cousin Holiday Ball mark a time in the year when guys can just sit back and relax…right?

“Morp” students at Anoka high school were subjected to this concept junior year. Morp (being the back-words translation of prom) was best explained to me by my cousin when I was nine, “when a girl asks a guy to go to a school dance.” It sounds simple enough, but to me this idea was as foreign as astrophycisism. I could not possibly fathom this concept, that is until last week.

“I know who’s asking you to holiday ball!”

“Who?”

“I can’t tell!”

Little did she know it, but the person who teased me with this information caused me eight sleepless nights. At first I figured this to be false, but as time went on it became more and more apparent that my paranoia was valid.

Pancakes. Innocuous. Pancakes with “HB?” written on them with chocolate chips. Well that couldn’t be. I ate them quickly, and even though I was overjoyed to be asked, I felt that it gave up just a bit of my dignity as a man. More-so than my Uggs.

Is it common for a girlfriend to propose to her man? Surely not, but it has been done, leading to much un-success.

So would a girl asking a guy to a dance throw off their whole relationship? Possibly. I’m pretty feminine as it is so I can imagine what a macho man might feel like if a girl asked him to Sadie Hawkins.

After pondering this for several hours I discovered something. Holiday Ball is a chance for the girls of our school to strike the kind of fear into us that they feel twice a year at homecoming and prom.

I now have a lot more respect for the kind of things the girls at our school go through. Going through high schools easy, going through it paranoid as hell is something entirely different.