A staple of school life to be sure, desks are an indispensable part of the typical BSM classroom.
When we were no longer physically attending school, one of the few plus sides was the better seating arrangements – students could lounge in beds, on couches, or professional desk chairs– literally any other seating is superior to the unforgiving plastic and metal contraptions that fill classrooms. But now that a completely in-person schedule is looming over students’ heads, it’s time to take a minute and reexamine the question: which desk sucks the least to sit in?

Before this desk investigation is conducted, it’s important to note that tables like the ones in the atrium science classrooms are another matter entirely and therefore will not be included in this ranking.

There are several desk options students are faced with when entering a classroom. First we have the typical chair and desk combo, which I’ve dubbed the traditional desk. The traditional design, however, is rigid in that its chair is fixed to the desk– though this does not affect slouchability. An aspect of this desk going against its favor is the single computer hoop on the left side of the desk. This makes it difficult and irritating to try and squeeze your computer between the desks when you are the unfortunate soul sitting with the hoop sandwiched between desks. The chairs attached to the desk are extremely hard and uncomfortable as well.

Another well-known and largely hated desk are the tiny, wobbly, one-sided desks. These tippy desks are a stark contrast to the comfortable seating available at home, and the horribly dangerous design of the desks is life-threatening to students who run the risk of tipping over, leaving them trapped and afraid. Tippies are designed seemingly without a thought to students’ comfort. Their seats are unforgiving, they are only accessible from one side, and their desk platforms are tiny and slanted. Writing on tippy desks has proven itself to be a near-impossible feat; it is extremely uncomfortable and awkward, especially if the writer is trying to balance their books on the desk as well. Before the pandemic, these desks were jammed haphazardly together with very little space to walk in between them. But now that they’re spaced out thanks to social distancing, it’s slightly more bearable.

Finally, there are the newish rectangular desks with separate red chairs. These desks are sturdy and their design is immaculate in comparison to the horrible tippy desks. Their chairs are not attached to the desk itself, which allows for optimal slouching ability. They have computer hooks on both sides, which makes organization achievable. The red-and-white theme of the desk supports school spirit very well, whereas tippy and traditional desks have more of a maroon-and-grey theme that is overall gloomy and bleak. The unattached chairs that accompany the desks are very comfortable, with supportive backs – though the material can make long hair annoyingly staticky. Overall, however, these desks are obviously superior to the others– but they will never come close to the comfort of one’s own home.

After much deliberation, the question of which desk sucks the least to sit in is finally answered. Ultimately, it has been concluded that rectangle desks are the least sucky. Coming in second are the traditional desk sets – their unremarkable, average design is not the worst thing ever. Finally, obviously tippy desks are the worst creation in the history of mankind, and their only purpose is to make students suffer.