Senior Matt Souka’s hair defies gravity

Senior Matthew Souka shows off his powerful new hairstyle during his 1st hour Forensics Science class.

Charlie Juckniess

Senior Matthew Souka shows off his powerful new hairstyle during his 1st hour Forensics Science class.

Benilde-St. Margaret’s: a Catholic high school in which 1,173 students dwell, all of which are unique from each other in some way or another. One student in particular is incredibly distinct from their classmates for multiple reasons, but one trait this person has sticks out amongst the rest. That trait would be his luscious “afro”. “I love my afro, simple as that. All of the compliments I get from the people I pass by is definitely a bonus. I also enjoyed the super powers it provides and the warmth it gives me during the winter. I also like the fact that it adheres to my personality—unique and bubbly. Finally, I enjoy the way my afro is low maintenance,” senior hair-phenom Matthew Souka said.

Souka touched base on the fact that his hair holds powers far beyond anything the average human being could perform, let alone even fathom. “My afro has many different powers. For one, I can store snacks for the school day and other necessities within the follicles of my hair. My hair also gives me super strength and makes me incredibly light on my feet. My hair can do really whatever I’d like it to,” Souka said.

This mane has become a school wide phenomenon where classmates of Souka have come up with their own inquiries as to what sort of things Souka’s hair is capable of and what it may be hiding. The following are only a few of the hypotheses regarding Souka’s hairstyle.


In all seriousness, though, Souka’s hair has become a “can’t miss” staple of Benilde-St. Margaret’s hallways. Throughout Souka’s early high school journey his hair didn’t change too much. Souka rocked the “buzz cut” his freshman year, sophomore year, and the majority of his junior year until Governor Tim Walz initiated the “stay at home act” in late March 2020. “With the barber shops being closed for coronavirus, growing my hair out to this length and style seemed perfect,” Souka said.

Quarantine wasn’t the only thing that influenced Souka’s sudden hair change. Souka says a particular celebrity sparked his interest in the revolutionary hairstyle. “I’d like to say I’m a basketball fanatic and after seeing some old Dr. J [Julius Irving] highlights I thought his signature afro was rad,” Souka said.

Julius Irving was the primary source of “afro” inspiration, though Souka says celebrities like Quest Love, Redfoo (the main guy in LMFAO), and most notably Bob Ross influenced his decision in growing out his scrumptious hairstyle. “I love Bob Ross, don’t get it twisted, but I don’t enjoy being compared to him because his hair is FAKE,” Souka said.

Many students fear Souka may cut his hair in the coming months due to its rapid growth and vision obscuring nature, but Souka was quick to calm the press in this short statement. “I know my hair is long, I’d say it is about 6 or 7 inches and still growing, but don’t worry I don’t plan to cut it anytime soon,” Souka said.

Souka’s “afro” is truly a masterpiece and the students at Benilde St. Margaret’s are very appreciative of his creative hairstyling efforts.