Students find novel way to lengthen passing time [Satire]


Knight Errant File Photo

After utilizing the rather clever tactic of crowding around the door before the bell rings, these students made it into the hallway before the rush.

During passing time, students often struggle to venture from one classroom to another within the five allotted minutes. Even while sprinting at an Olympic speed, students have a hard time getting from the math hallway all the way to the Atrium’s science classrooms without promptly receiving a tardy on arrival.

However, BSM’s innovative students seem to have found a solution to this school-wide issue: standing as close to the classroom door as possible minutes before the end of the period.

“I used to always be late for my third-hour geometry class because I have English second hour, and those two departments are, like, super far away from each other,” explained freshman Thomas Dee. “The only way for me to get to class on time is if I leave my English class as soon as the period ends.”

Many other students at BSM share this experience. According to a recent survey, 93% of students start crowding around the door 20 minutes before class ends, staring in anticipation at the digital clocks and patiently waiting for the serene sound of the bell to dismiss them from class.

For the few students who don’t struggle to make it to their classes on time, they have also found this “crowding” method effective, as it provides the students much more freedom during their passing time.

“I usually make it to class on time, but it’s nice to leave class as soon as possible because it gives me a lot more time to do whatever I want during passing time,” said junior Whitney Dallas. “Now, during passing time, I can stop at my locker, talk to my friends, get some Taher cookies, spectate an entire MLB game, get my license renewed at the DMV, and still make it back to my next class in time. All because I left class thirty seconds earlier.”

Dallas was not available for further questioning after perking her head up at the sound of the bell marking the end of the period and promptly sprinting to her next class.

BSM faculty appreciates the students taking advantage of this strategy of getting to class on time. “I’m happy that my students are always able to make it to class on time so we can get going as soon as we can. Education relies on efficiency, and it’s a lot easier to teach students who arrive in a timely manner,” said English teacher Mr. Ryan Hogan. “Although, it does kinda suck that they stop paying attention 20 minutes into class.”

Due to the recent COVID-19 outbreak, BSM has transitioned to online school, eliminating the need for the crowding method. In fact, students have begun to actively avoid standing two centimeters apart from each other for an extended period of time out of fear of contracting the virus.

At the moment, it is unclear whether or not students will continue their use of the crowding method in the future, as they may want to refrain from unnecessarily bunching up in tightly packed areas of the classroom, even when there isn’t a rapidly spreading lethal pandemic present.