Skirmish of the Sauces

It started as a harmless inquiry: which sauce is most versatile, Barbecue or Hot Sauce? Soon, it spiraled into something more.


Matthew McGonigle

Taher provides several sauces every day for lunch. The question is which is the best.

Hot Sauce is Henry Witterschein’s all-purpose sauce

From the beginning of time one sauce has ruled them all–hot sauce. Made from a variety of ingredients: vinegar, cayenne red peppers, salt, water, canola oil, paprika, xanthan gum, butter and garlic powder–there is no such thing as bad hot sauce. One of the best factors of hot sauce is the versatility that it brings to the table. You can put it on any type of meat, any Mexican or Chinese food, pizza, eggs, popcorn, soup, etc.; the sky’s the limit (I don’t recommend putting it in any drinks). If you’re looking for a good brand of hot sauce, I recommend Frank’s Red Hot, as it has the best consistency for the most amount of foods, I put it on everything. 


BBQ Sauce is Matthew McGonigle’s go-to sauce

There are many great condiments, but only one truly has my heart: barbecue sauce. Barbecue is hands down the best and most versatile sauce in the world. Barbecue will enhance every form of meat, most potato products, and everything in between. The sweet and tangy flavor is unmatched–especially compared to its rivals such as hot sauce–and leaves a sharp vinegar taste in the mouth. If you ever find yourself contemplating what sauce to get for your Taher chicken balls or fries, just remember you can never go wrong with barbecue.


Ranch is Harry Madden’s favorite sauce

Ranch is the best sauce that exists, because of the wide variety of food it can complement. Ranch is most commonly used with vegetables to give the boring food group more flavor and excitement. Because of this, children around the world have been getting the nutrients they need from vegetables, which is something no other sauce can do. Not only does ranch taste good with vegetables, but it also tastes good with many other foods such as chicken nuggets, french fries, and wings. The other sauces that are often eaten with these foods cannot also be eaten with vegetables, making ranch the ultimate supreme sauce.


Soy sauce may lack hot sauce’s utility, or mayo’s trademark texture, but it makes up for this in pure character and experience.

— Sol Doyscher

Soy Sauce is Sol Doyscher’s ideal sauce

Since mankind’s inception we have been searching for the ideal sauce. It is even said that Marco Polo himself traveled the world looking for this fabled “perfect sauce.” Well, that condiment exists. It is called soy sauce. Found in China during the Western Han Dynasty (206 BC-220 AD), soy sauce quickly became the go-to condiment for East Asian cuisine. Soy sauce may lack hot sauce’s utility, or mayo’s trademark texture, but it makes up for this in pure character and experience. Can you imagine sushi, chinese food, curry or stir fry without soy sauce? This partly sweet, party salty and partly bitter sauce offers novelty and distinctiveness.


Ketchup is Erin Long’s most versatile sauce

It’s the best. It is the most common dipping sauce. It’s the most versatile. It’s ketchup. In fact, it can be found in approximately 92% of households. It’s sweet, it’s salty, and it’s full of veggies–specifically, tomatoes. And these tomatoes are rockstars for people’s health as they can protect hearts, prevent cancer, and lower cholesterol. They even improve vision, bone health, and skin care. Fun fact, tomatoes can even polish jewelry. It can be added to any food or dish, and it has the power to transform. Carrots and ketchup were my favorite snack in elementary school; it’s definitely not as bad as one might think. Ketchup is also low in calories and has no fat, and we can just ignore the amount of sugar in it. Now, just imagine dipping some perfectly seasoned fries in some freshly squeezed ketchup. Amazing. 


Mustard is Kayla Farrey’s meal-perfecting sauce

It is and always will be befuddling to know that people genuinely think a hot dog is complete without mustard. Mustard is simultaneously tart and sweet. Its color lights up every bland food, and its taste produces explosive fireworks in every mouth. The versatility of mustard is never ending: pairs perfectly with meat, potatoes, pretzels, and more. It is easy to spice up a tasteless school sandwich with mustard, or even tag team it with a dollop of mayo. Not trying to throw shade at ketchup, but how many flavors does it come in? One. While on the other hand, mustard comes in a variety of types: yellow, honey, dijon, spicy brown, whole grain, and chinese hot. Shall I continue?


Hollandaise is Mary Youngblut’s one-time-use sauce

All right. I’ll be honest: I’ve only had hollandaise sauce once, and I didn’t even know what it was called.

— Mary Youngblut

All right. I’ll be honest: I’ve only had hollandaise sauce once, and I didn’t even know what it was called. Here’s another honest truth: It tasted great. I had it on some over easy eggs and it was a solid meal; I had a wonderful time. I attribute that to the hollandaise sauce. This sauce is said to be wonderful on eggs; I can vouch for that. One of the key ingredients is egg yolks, so if you eat hollandaise, you could experience eggs smothered on eggs. Granted, this sauce is not universal, and if you don’t like eggs I don’t know how much you’d like it, but I think we need to represent this delicious sauce commonly used in France.


Sweet and Sour is Kailyn Pederson’s top-shelf sauce

Sweet and sour sauce is undeniably the best condiment in the world of cuisine. It encapsulates everything needed in a sauce; it has a sweet tangy taste, while also providing a glimpse of spice without overloading the taste buds. It is best served with chicken, especially fried chicken, but its uses are endless. Sweet and sour sauce can also be found in many Asian dishes, so clearly it is superior, as some of the most delicious meals consist of Asian dishes. This sauce is also extremely versatile in its taste; sometimes it includes a citrusy flavor. Overall, sweet and sour sauce is a high-quality sauce in its flavor and its uses.


Hummus doesn’t qualify because it’s technically a dip, but whatever. I don’t care.

— Grace Christenson

Grace Christenson claims hummus is a sauce

When it comes to sauces, hummus doesn’t qualify because it’s technically a dip, but whatever. I don’t care. Hummus is the greatest thing to come out of the Middle East since Jesus himself. Not only is hummus extremely tasty, but it can also help with weight loss and disease prevention. It pairs well with bread, pita chips, vegetables, and even pretzels–talk about versatility. Unlike its overhyped counterpart guacamole, hummus retains its status as an underappreciated dish enjoyed by only the most refined individuals who value its tasty flavor.