Inside Dr. Love


Morgan Williams

I didn’t know what to do with my hands in this one so I put them on my hips. Sorry not sorry about my #dresscode.

Behind the glitz and glamor of being a doctor with no degree lies the real Dr. Love. I, Claudia Elsenbast, am about to give you an inside peak into the secret life of Dr. Love. It’s not easy being held to such a high standard, but somehow I make do. Since day one as the Diversions Editor I knew that this was the year I would have a platform to really be heard by the greater BSM community’s recycling and trash bins, and I have no intention of wasting it.

My fans always ask me how I got to this position and how I prepared. Little do they know, I gave it to myself. After approximately 15 seconds of deliberating and no one objecting, I gave myself the prestigious title. As for the preparation, I like to think that my entire life has lead to this culmination of knowledge and after this my entire life will go downhill as I peak in high school.

The work that goes into answering a letter is more intricate than the untrained eye would believe. I meditate and attempt to picture myself in the situation to see what I would do. Then I repeat this process six times with the viewpoints of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader-Ginsburg, Michelle from Destiny’s Child, an eighth grade homeroom representative, your mom, Randy Jackson, and Jesus Christ. Then I roll a die on the perspective to use and write the best gosh darn advice you have ever gotten. This job is not easy, nor can most handle it, but I’m happy to have the platform of helping Red Knights find love in 2016-17.