The suitor in the speech round

Shannon Cron, Staff Writer

Though a speech tournament may not seem like the place to meet prospective boyfriends, I’ve come close to finding true love on more than one occasion. I mean, what’s not to love about overly enthusiastic pubescent teenage boys in suits on a Saturday?

It was 7:45 in the morning. I lethargically walked into Roseville Area High School, I spotted him out of the corner of my eye. His luscious blond locks shaped his soft-featured face perfectly, and in combination with his powerful speaking voice, he was pretty hard to resist.

I realized our chemistry from the very first time I saw him––and let’s be honest, probably before that in my dreams. But anyway, he just always seemed to stick out from the other socially awkward speechers, and since this was the last tournament, I had plans to make sure our love would last. Forever.

To ensure that he noticed my presence, I walked directly in front of his team’s meeting area, and “accidentally” dropped all of my papers. Instead of helping me pick them up, he just stared, then quickly pretended not to notice. There was undoubtedly a connection.

From there I went from round to round, constantly thinking of ways to impress my subject of affection. I kept busy by perusing his Facebook (I have it bookmarked), writing my first name in conjunction with his last name, and thinking about what our children (wearing cute little suits, of course) would look like.

Then finally, my moment arrived. He got up to speak and I nearly melted in my chair, but I had to stay focused. I carefully wrote my number out on a piece of paper, though this proved to be difficult––my nerves caused my hands to tremble violently.

I sat directly behind him for the rest of the round rehearsing what I would say, while simultaneously holding in my stress vomit. When it was time to leave, I finally got up the courage to say: “Hey, umm…you spoke with such conviction, plus you look great in that blue tinted tie. You should text me sometime,” and gave him the piece of paper. Success.