Student athletes protest new collaborative learning space [Satire]


Edited Knight Errant Stock Photo

Student-Athlete Tony Doe flashes his sign protesting the construction of yet another learning space

Courtney Kallas, Staff Writer

Trying to make a statement, some very angry student athletes broke into the future learning space, “The Cube,” on Friday, citing “lack of gyms” as their reason for rebellion.

At the moment, BSM has only two large gyms and an old weight room to serve its amazing athletes. Many students claim that the gyms are not big enough and that they need more space and equipment for their use. 

“The Cube,” proposed to be built right where the student-athletes want a new gym and yoga studio, poses a threat to their wishes, insulting their athleticism by promoting school-work.

The students claimed this was a “peaceful protest” to the administration’s decision, as they carefully spilled their protein shakes all over the floor so the workers and staff didn’t slip. “Even though we are understandably very shaken up by this injustice of a space; we want to prove to the leaders of our school that we are taking the high road, and that we are looking out for our fellow citizens by spilling our protein shakes with such caution and care,” student-athlete Tony Doe said. 

“We even put up a sign in the area telling people to not slip on the strawberry protein shake, so we are clearly rising above it all,” he continued.

At 11:00 AM, ten members of the boys’ rock-climbing team were caught on camera climbing up a bulldozer. A crowd of amused students gathered at the bottom of them, in awe of their outstanding skills. Even the teachers, who were supposed to be teaching their classes, joined in on the fun, and some climbed the machine with the students. “It was overall a successful protest for a good cause. It is essential to student health that we have another gym in the building; after all, athletics are above academics,” sophomore swimmer Anna Tate said.

Tate was not the only student to have complaints over how BSM was putting academics first.  “I can’t believe the school is prioritizing productive schoolwork and education over my gains!” Lane said, as he stormed out of the area, broadcasting his annoyance to the passersby in the hallway.

The administration is expected to make a decision on whether to continue building “The Cube” on Wednesday, exciting the hearts of all Red Knight athletes hoping for a new athletic facility.