1. Grades don’t matter
Elite colleges like Brown, Emory, and University of Chicago don’t pay attention to your grades. They care much more about how many parties you went to, how many followers you have on Instagram, Twitter or Vine. So stay out late, procrastinate doing those seven math assignments until the day they’re due, and binge the entirety of your Netflix queue.
2. Wait until the very last minute to submit your college apps
Trust me, there are absolutely no advantages to applying Early Admission or Early Decision. You might as well type up all your essays and applications at the last minute and submit them at 11:59pm. Three more months of knowing of what your options are, and who wouldn’t want that?
3. Scholarships don’t matter
Scholarships don’t matter; that extra $1000 will barely make a dent in your average $20,000 in loans after college. Sure it’s free money, but the essays are slightly different than the college apps and revising them would be far too exhausting.
4. Wait until April 30 to choose a college
Wait until the very last minute to make this life changing decision. Waiting won’t stress you out at all; focus all your attention into your homework and don’t worry about that next chapter in your life. Colleges are pretty loose with deadlines anyways, they certainly won’t mind if it’s a few days, or weeks, late.
5. Skip breakfast every day
You’ll get to school with five minutes until the bell and just eat there. Your first hour teacher won’t mind. They love having to pick up the Pop Tart wrappers left on their desks before homeroom. You’re better off just skipping all together. It won’t affect your mood or academic performance at all.
6. Drink all the coffee possible
Consume at least 4 cups of coffee per day. Replace every two hours of sleep with one cup of coffee. This will pay off in the long run and is a sustainable way of living as a high school student.
7. Do absolutely nothing in the summer
Don’t go to any college camps. How beneficial could they possibly be? You’re not going to that school anyways, why take courses there? It won’t benefit you in any other ways. Don’t get a job. You might as well ask your parents for money every time you go see a movie. Definitely don’t go outside. Sure it’s warm outside and we’re in the land of 10,000 lakes, but you may as well spend the entire summer watching Netflix on your couch.