The precipitation situation

Lucian Parece discusses the depravity that exists when snow is absent from our Northern winters.

Tyler Matson

We have had an alarmingly warm December so far: we’ve only had one snowfall, and this snow is all gone now. Weathermen all over the state have said that this is the hottest winter of all time. The weather has had many diverse effects on students all over BSM, making this one of the oddest school years in history.

Cold-weather lovers throughout the school simply don’t know what to do with themselves. Struggling most perhaps are those students who love warm clothing. “Flannel Fridays” have turned into “Get-Dresscoded-After-Wearing-a-Cut-Off-Flannel Fridays.” 27 students wearing winter clothes have passed out due to overheating, as well. Also suffering are winter sports lovers. There have been numerous reports of hockey players going to their local lake for “Pondy with the Boys” and falling in the lake. City officials released a statement saying that such pondy players should check that there is any ice on the lake before trying to skate on it. This has reduced the number of soaked hockey players by nearly 90%. Our alpine ski team has also been having a tough time practicing, proving that it is not, in fact, possible to ski on grass. Snow plow drivers are furious, they are forced to use their plows for leaf removal, trash pickup, and crowd control.

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Unlike hockey and skiing, BSM basketball is thriving in this warm weather. The team has taken to practicing on Beth-El’s newly installed basketball court, and has decided to enter a local 3v3 tournament. Basketball players aren’t the only ones enjoying this oddly warm weather, though. Lake Calhoun has opened its beaches and has stationed a lifeguard due to the high demand for a place to swim. Many students have taken to ditching class to go swimming, causing Dr. Susan Skinner to declare quite a few online school “hot days.” With Holiday Ball a mere month away, many students are hoping to not even have to get a spray tan. If temperatures continue on this trend, students will be able to tan outside. A recent petition written by Gunnar Lundberg to allow jackets and coats to be worn in school was shot down because students haven’t worn a jacket to school since last winter. In a recent interview, reporter Lundberg said, “I don’t really even care, I’m writing a new petition to allow cutoffs and shorts in school. That’s what the people really want.”

As if it wasn’t hard enough to focus with Christmas coming up, BSM students are having an even harder time with this crazy weather. It is clear that we deserve to be out of school to enjoy the warm temperatures and are lucky to have a two week break soon.