5 things you can get away with when you have a twin

The average person has many, many things wrong with them: they’re unsatisfied with their job, they have 2.3 kids, and worst of all, they don’t have a twin. I, however, am blessed with an infinite amount opportunities to mess with people, all because of my doppelganger.


1. Faking Credentials

Why would I torture myself with the agonizing activities and monotonous hoops to jump through like “Learning,” “Volunteering,” or “Working Hard,” when my self-assigned identity thief can do all those tasks for me? All it takes is a bribe consisting of a Buffalo Wild Wings gift card (expired) and a promise to fill up the thousand-gallon gas tank our truck features, and suddenly I’m free to do whatever I want. Non-stop partying has never gotten me such amazing grades.

2. Switching Classes

Classes become tedious and repetitive, but thanks to my identicality with my brother, I can sample a whole list of new courses, rather than the more graceful approach of leaving a drool stain on your notebook. I might have to apologize for wrecking class discussions, pop quizzes, and my twin’s ceramics pieces, but in the end, I feel like a true, well-versed renaissance man with all the extra courses I see.

3. Switch drivers licenses

Every once in a while, when I’m feeling too lazy to search for my own wallet, and too reckless to consider the consequences, I grab my No. 1 scapegoat’s Driver’s License just in case I feel like pulling any awesome stunts otherwise classified as “driving offences.” When the ticket for vehicular loitering magically appears on his desk I hope he doesn’t ask too many questions.

4. Get away with crimes

Similar to the previous trick, having a twin can pretty much get me out of any theoretical crime. Wave those alibis goodbye; as long as both of us are suspects, we can’t be individually charged for anything. This bodes well for any future hypothetical bank robberies or the like. We’re basically a cross between Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and the Winklevoss twins.

5. Get your twin in trouble

Like every teenager, sometimes I like to do bad things just for the fun of it. You know, the usual crimes like breaking vases, stealing cookies, or drawing on the walls. As an added bonus, however, I can blame all of my wrongdoings on my brother. The only downside is that he will surely return the favor tenfold, resulting in a situation similar to the plot of Face/Off.