Prom 2014.

Seniors, this is the last dance of your high school career. And juniors, your first ever prom. BSM, let’s make this the greatest prom of all time.

In order to do that everybody has to be onboard. So let’s get started. Guys, make sure you lay claim as soon as possible and text every single one of your friends to make sure they aren’t asking the same girl you are.

If that is the case, you must––by all means––ask first. It doesn’t matter if you have to do a last minute Spirit Shop run and make a crappy sign, as long as you get that date, you’re in business.

But make no mistake, gentlemen, your way of asking must be original, funny, cute, genuine, and it must take at least four hours to plan. If it’s not, her friends will surely judge you and the Instagram she posts of the proposal won’t get the appropriate number of likes for the situation. She deserves better. After all, it’s the biggest night of her life.

But before you ask her, groom her a bit, you know? Text her every couple of nights to remind her you exist. Get the idea in her head that you might be asking her to the biggest dance of the year––no, the biggest dance of her life. You don’t want to shock her, do you? Remember, this is the biggest night of your life. And this is going to be the greatest prom of all time.

Ok, girls, it’s your turn. If you don’t want that creepy guy texting you to ask you to the biggest dance of your life, notify a friend and make one of your guy friends ask you as soon as possible. If you’re not talking about Prom, you’re doing it wrong. Then of course, you have to find the most perfect dress. This is much easier said than done.

Make sure you spend at least $602 on your dress. Rhinestones are a must. (The more glitter, the better. Unless it’s too much glitter––that’s just tacky.) If you find out somebody is wearing the same dress, it’s only okay if they’re not as pretty as you. If they are, don’t even bother going.

Next up is your picture group. Facebook groups should include a sufficient number of people, but not too many. Banter about photo locations should maintain a similar format to a debate in Ms. Koshiol’s class––contention one: pictures at the Sculpture Garden are cliché. Make sure there’s no controversy in the dates as well. (Exes are a big no-no.)

On the day of the dance, it’s your time. Spend a minimum of three hours at the salon before pictures getting an up-do––a classy one, though. Your makeup shouldn’t be too obvious, but at the same time you have to look your best: it should take at least another two hours to do. Remember, this is the biggest night of your life.

Once you’re at the dance, savor every magical moment. Prom only happens once or twice in your life, remember that. Oh, also, if it hasn’t yet been mentioned, this will be the biggest night of your life.

So there you have it, the easy guide to making Prom 2014 the greatest dance of all time. But if you don’t feel like following these exact steps, there are a few alternatives.

Guys, find a nice way of asking any girl––nothing too extreme. After all, it doesn’t really matter who you go with.Girls, you can rent a nice dress online for much cheaper, makeup doesn’t have to be over the top, and your hair is going to fall apart within ten seconds on the dance floor anyways. Oh, who are we kidding, that’s just asinine.

Come on, this is the biggest night of your life.