Christmas tunes cure winter blues

Jackie Scherer

I ache for an excuse to be anywhere but here: my own jail cell made of ice-covered windows and leather-scented seats. Trapped in a snowstorm on the parking lot some call a highway, I can feel my attention span growing shorter. While my focus freezes over, my sanity melts with each snow-filled second. Suddenly my salvation arrives: a Siren song beckoning to me from the car’s FM radio station. The melodious tune of a heartwarming, life-changing holiday song on the radio banishes my Blue Christmas.

‘Twas the year before last my obsession with holiday songs began. Prolonged family car rides to Grandma’s were slightly more bearable as long as some version of “Let It Snow” was playing. I realized that the holidays just weren’t the holidays without some good present-opening background music to set the mood. In fact, without these cheery tunes, my transformation into Mr. Grinch is now inevitable.

Although I’ve successfully diagnosed my condition, I fear a cure is unattainable. I have taken the word “obsession” to a new level by using all twelve days of Christmas to take complete advantage of the holiday songs on the radio. I’ve been known to rock out to “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” but only when no one’s looking. Yes, I’ll admit it, I have spontaneously broken out into a self-choreographed interpretive dance of “Jingle Bell Rock” while shopping at Macy’s…and Target…and pretty much any other store that provides the medicine for my addiction.

My unhealthy loyalty to holiday music drives my entire family crazy. On one occasion my brother offered to pay me off in iTunes cards, which I accepted gladly and spent all of the glorious $25 on more Christmas songs. Then, following the spree, I proceeded to blast “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” as loud as my stereo would go. My parents got several complaints from neighbors and became confused as to why their eldest child–who is not necessarily the most mature in this case–was playing holiday songs in the middle of July.

With the holidays just around the corner, I’m eagerly awaiting that first Christmas carol to play on the radio and melt my heart like last Christmas. My top 25 most played songs on the iPod include all the essential holiday classics (on shuffle, of course). The reason for my existence this holiday season has been formally established, so if I happen to come up raving about my recent song obsession, just remember it’s all part of my therapy treatment. Do you hear what I hear on the radio? It’s the most wonderful time of the year because baby, it’s cold outside and my holiday songs are the season’s beats.