Halloween was finally on its way, and I couldn’t have been more excited as I made my way to the local craft store on a beautiful October day to pick up supplies for the holiday. I pulled open the door, fully expecting cotton spider webs or some type of cheesy mummy to come popping out the door. Instead, what I encountered was much more frightening.

I screamed as I was greeted by some giant blown up Santa Claus that began playing “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” as loudly as possible as soon as I pulled the door open. I quickly made my way past this, hoping it was some sort of queer Halloween trick. However, that was clearly not the case.

Next, I was almost blinded by flashing red and green Christmas lights, and then unfortunately I spotted an extremely tacky plastic “Merry Christmas” sign complete with Santa’s twelve reindeer all lined up in a row. I began to go deaf as the sound of bells began to clang and the various Christmas songs such as “Frosty the Snowman” and “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” blasted over the stereo.

I wondered what kind of sick place that was, or who could actually enjoy this obnoxious occasion when I almost ran into a reindeer with a flashing red nose and a maniacal grin. I couldn’t seem to get away, and then I noticed a huge digital sign on the wall that read, “Only 60 days until Christmas!” I seriously wondered if the store was in fact the elves workshop in the North Pole, when I spotted a small rack of Halloween items already on clearance on the other side of the store.

I sprinted towards it, got hit in the face with strings of garland, and slipped on a candy cane. I made my way past the racks of fake Christmas trees and delicate ornaments. Finally, dazed and confused, I found the gory masks, fake spiders, and jack-o-lantern kits, which for some strange reason were more comforting than the jolly snowmen lazily sitting across the store.

I grabbed what I needed and made my way through the tacky fairyland back to the front of the store. Once I was outside, I was able to breathe without inhaling the smell of pine needles and cinnamon, and I checked my planner to see that the next holiday was in fact Halloween and not Christmas.