Confessions of a teenage cat lady

Lauren Effertz, Staff Writer
February 24, 2012
Filed under Humor

I walked into my house late on a Monday night after a long day of work for the junior high musical. My parents had already gone to bed and my siblings were perfectly happy to keep watching whatever MTV2 was offering for the night. Then I felt it: a light bump against my leg. Warm, fuzzy, and welcoming.... Read more »

It would be “ice” to get into my car

Chloe Kennedy, Staff Writer
February 23, 2012
Filed under Humor

I stuck the key into the lock, attempted to turn it, and...nothing. Perhaps I turned it the wrong way... Nope. Put the key in the lock incorrectly?...No. Then it hit me. It was winter in Minnesota and the locks on our family’s 1996 Explorer refused to cooperate in the cold. I needed to run to the... Read more »

I am not Justin Beiber

Emma Peterson, Staff Writer
February 1, 2012
Filed under Humor

Walking in Uptown on a sunny Saturday afternoon, I had that awkward feeling of being watched. I peeked over my shoulder to see if I was being followed; no one was there. I continued, wearing my purple “American Apparel” hoodie and colorful kicks, with the hood up and headphones in, when I saw a herd... Read more »

Why won’t you say hello to me?

Emily Kline, Staff Writer
December 23, 2011
Filed under Humor

Hello. That greeting right there, ladies and gentleman, contains more social interaction than I will receive on any given day in the hallways of BSM. Don’t get the wrong idea: I’m a fairly friendly person with a fairly non-offending face, but it appears that, despite my best efforts, my classmates... Read more »

My love life: a low note

Anna Landis, Staff Writer
December 21, 2011
Filed under Humor

We had been sitting at the dinner-table for so long that a chilled ambiance came over the room, and, trust me, it had nothing to do with my tepid chick-pea soup. My mother’s nostrils flared with a sharp inhale as she hissed at me, “Why didn’t you tell me about this before?” It’s not that... Read more »

Hogging all of the attention

Emma Peterson, Staff Writer
December 20, 2011
Filed under Humor

With their sensitive hearing, the sound of a sneeze or even the turning of a book page will set them off into a fit of shivers. Not exactly shivers, but they snort their little noses and, to a bystander, it might look as if they are angry, but really they’re just scared––they’re timid little... Read more »

The truth about stuffing

Kale Walch, Online Reviews Editor
December 7, 2011
Filed under Humor

Once a year, when the American people find it necessary to give thanks, cooked turkeys grace the tables of the common household. For many years, turkeys were hollow, devoid of meat and purpose. One day, a man felt the conviction to fill the empty avian with stuff, which after time, was cleverly named:... Read more »

Catastrophes with the Kardashians

Kellen Gill, Staff Writer
December 7, 2011
Filed under Humor

Being a hardcore fan of the Kardashians for years (I faithfully watch it every Sunday night), I didn’t think that their lives could get any more exciting. In May, 2011, that all changed when Kim announced her engagement to NBA player Kris Humphries. When I heard the news and saw the 20.5 carat ring... Read more »

Grounded… literally

Chloe Kennedy, Staff Writer
December 6, 2011
Filed under Humor

While getting our floors refinished, my parents decided that all five members of the Kennedy family should stay in our basement together. We knew it would be cramped, but it would only be for three days––what’s the worst that could happen? While down there, I learned to channel my inner Bear Grylls... Read more »

About those awful Halloween treats…

Emma Peterson, Staff Writer
November 29, 2011
Filed under Humor

As I scrambled through a pillowcase full of Halloween candy, I chose a fun-sized bar at random and quickly opened the wrapper without looking at what I was about to eat. Feeling my teeth crunch into this candy was not only unpleasant, but crusty and disgusting. I do not like ALMOND JOYS––if anything,... Read more »