Three is a crowd

Robby Sutherland
February 19, 2010
Filed under Humor

Sam Thomas
All stable relationships are built like a tricycle. No couple is complete without it’s third wheel, and I’ve played that part a countless amount of times. The more I thought about the art of third-wheeling, the more I’ve come to appreciate it. After setting up my best friend with my other good friend, I thought this would be a great opportunity for all of us to become closer. The validity of that thought was so wrong it’s pathetic.

Sleepovers with my best friend soon became invitations to sleepovers with my best friend…and her boyfriend. Dancing with my best friend at Holiday Ball became dancing with my best friend…and her boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, the boy is cool, but it’s that ‘if I’m with her in the hallway and he comes near I start walking faster so that I don’t have to walk with them’ type of cool.

After I got used to the thought of these two together, I realized that maybe third-wheeling could have its perks…and maybe I could have a little fun. I’ve discovered that the best of these perks is the ability to test peoples’ infidelity from a distance. Really, I’m doing her a favor too, because I’ve come to learn that he is undoubtedly faithful to her. This knowledge came to me after countless attempts to jokingly hit on him (or attempt to grind with him), and his response by either staring straightfaced at me or just walking away.

Somewhere along the way of seeing them makeout in front of me and being bailed on Friday night after Friday night, I learned a lot about the refined craft that is third-wheeling. Part of me wishes that I could be single forever so that I could master it.

Robby Sutherland
When little kids learn to ride a bike, they start with training wheels. These three wheels allow children to learn the art of balance so they can learn how to ride freely with just two wheels. I believe the same goes for relationships.

In every early relationship, there is a third wheel. Tricycles have them, little kids need them, I’m one of them. I’ve been a part of “balancing” out three relationships so far. Two of which are still going strong. The obvious thought is to think “I am never going to be ‘that guy’”. Well you will and let me prepare you with possible situations.

This holiday ball is a prime example in my early years of third wheeling. I love after parties… even if it involves me being with three other couples. Alone. That’s right, I was the seventh wheel and I’m proud of it.

Also, pre-homecoming this year was, in my opinion, my greatest masterpiece. Not only did I take pictures with only my friend and his girlfriend (strike one) but I felt obligated to be in at least one picture with them (strike two). My clutch performance included me sitting on my friends lap and resting my feet on his dates dress. Strike three, I’m out.

However, being a third wheel is not always fun. Be prepared for the infamous time when your friend wants you to be his wingman and hangout with him and his girlfriend the night it was supposed to be just you two. Don’t get me wrong, I like my friend’s girlfriends. However, when a guys night turns into a date in disguise, that’s where I draw the line.