Spring blues

June 4, 2008
Filed under Humor

Spring is supposed to be a time of happiness and excitement, full of summer preparation, but for me, spring is a nightmare. The intensity of finals looms over all my thoughts with the added stress of skip-a-final. Yes, stress. This is because deciding which final to skip causes more confusion and study than would taking that extra final. Should I skip French? I still need 8.5 points to feel secure enough to skip it, but then again in order to maintain my grade in math, I need to get at least an 84.7 percent on the exam… it simply never ends.

Then comes the extra credit question. Which classes should I spend the time creating extra portfolio or poster projects? If I do one for English, I can earn up to fifteen points, but then again my artistic skills (comprised mostly of stick men or girls with triangular skirts) may not be worth any points so would I then be wasting 56 minutes of my otherwise French-final studying time.

In addition to this is the unstopable evil force of AP tests and SATs and ACTs and SAT IIs and the list goes on. I piled all my preparation and college books and discovered the almost disgusting fact that the stack is taller than I am. Obviously something is wrong. How am I ever going to squeeze all the tidbits of information out of these books into my tiny brain, of which I only use three percent?

But when I begin to depress myself about these books I wonder, “which is more important for college admissions, my finals or the SAT?” Then a whole new war erupts inside my mind. If I study for the SAT constantly, maybe I can get one more question right for every fifteen minutes I study. But maybe I would get more correct for that time period on my finals. But wait, the time I take to wonder which is more important will take away from study time. Heck, if you’re still reading this article you have just wasted at least three minutes of study time (that’s one-fifth of a question you could have gotten correct!).

That’s it. I give up. I think I’ll just rip my books up into 5,000 pieces and dip them in boiling acid before chucking them into a fire. Sounds like a good plan to me.

elin lantz